For Openers

I don't have an opening line. I need an opening line. Once I have an opening line a second line suggests itself. I need an opening line. Hours pass, days go by. Or, at least, it seems so. Got it! "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I don't get that. What is this old saw trying to tell us? That we should not have good intentions? That good intentions can go awry? Well, of course, they can, but they don't have to lead us all the way to the fiery furnace. Nah, that's not an opening. That's a discussion. And a short one at that. I need to find something better. Is the past tense of the verb to twitter, twat? I twat, you twat, he, she or it twats? Probably not. I don't think I think as funny as I used to think. Or maybe I just haven't experienced anything of late I deemed worthy of Funnyableing. (The art, in case you didn't know, of making the mundane merriment.) Yeah, there have been golf outings and lunches and such, but I've Funnyabled those in the past. Woowoo Charly and the dogs are still here and although they often give me what one of my daughters describes as moments of light heartedness, they haven't, of late, inspired funny. I know, I know, there is always the news. Barack and the not quite properly programmed Romney Robot are out there for Funnyableing, but better wits than I have that task and I am happy to leave it to them. Politics schmoliticks as a wise person once said. Truth is, I suspect, I am just out of shape. My Funnyableing mechanism has been little used and acquired a layer of rust. The gears are slow and creaky. Where is the WD 40 for the mind when you need it? But not to worry I say, because I like to say that before offering small consolation…in this case: there is funny on the horizon. Well, either that or the horizon holds armageddon, the apocalypse, end of days and, wait a minute! Those are funny. I can work with those. Apocalypse. A description of Angelina Jolie's mouth. Armageddon and there's no telling what they'll get into. End of days was the song title bandied about before the composer came up with I Can See Clearly Now? Yup, there is hope. I just need to get loosened up. Now, if I only had an opening line. Woowoo Charly begs to differ and she is correct. There was a moment not just Funnyable, but outright funny all by itself. I ran into a friend who suggested I get and watch the documentary "Thrive." I went home and asked Woowoo to download the film as she is more computer savvy than me. Days went by and nothing happened. I printed the word THRIVE on a large piece of paper and left it on the computer keyboard each morning as a reminder. More days passed, still nothing. I finally brought the subject up in conversation, asking "When are you going to download the documentary I told you about? "I completely forgot about it," Woowoo answered honestly. "Tell me the title again and I'll do it today." I was aghast. "It's Thrive I almost shouted, Thrive! " Why do you think I've been leaving you that note everyday?" "Oh," she answered with the light coming on behind her eyes. "I thought you were just telling me to thrive. You know, be well, be happy! I lost it then, and so did she.