If you haven't already, read the blog before this one.
THE BUDDHA AND ME CONTINUED
By Doc Walton
When I come back from my coma, my trance, my so called state of nothingness the Buddha has put me in, I feel better. But then, who wouldn't? You're not there and then you are. What's not to like? THERE is better than NOT THERE. I feel as if I have left a few things behind, though, back there in the nothing. Things better left behind, like anxieties and a couple of worries. They'll catch up with me later, I'm sure. They always do. In the meantime, I'm going to have a nice stretch to see if I can relieve this kink in my back - sitting for a long time brings that on - and then get on with my day; a day filled with this and that and a search for evidence that I'm at least nearing enlightenment. I mean, after all, I meditated and that's like half the battle, isn't it?
It's the other half I found so elusive. It's not clearly defined. What, exactly, do I have to do? And what, after I've achieved enlightenment, will it feel like? How will it differ from what I feel like right now? I'm happy, satisfied with what IS, and even smug about my contentment from time to time. Okay, I'm sure that smug part is not included in the definition of enlightenment, but I'm being honest here and I'm reasonably sure honesty is in there somewhere. Of course all that happy, satisfied smugness goes right out the window the moment I catch a cold and run a fever or have more bills than I have money. How do the enlightened handle those situations? How do they feel when their kid or their dog gets sick? I'd like to know and the Buddha is not telling. At least not from what I've read. He gets all hazy and mystical like it's some kind of big secret that only he and a chosen few are on to. Okay, I understand that, but where do I get in line to be chosen? Or, who do I have to do as the cruder would put it?
Seriously, why does it have to be so hard? I'm fed up with trying. I'm just going to be happy, compassionate, tolerant, forgiving, and try to be in and enjoy every moment of this thing called life. If enlightenment dawns, fine. If not, screw it. Who needs it anyway?