Monday, September 15, 2008

The OPWP Party and the Broncos

The Oil, Pharmaceutical, War Profiteering Party formerly known as Republican took a slight lead over the Democrats in last week's polls. Presidential candidate Sarah Walk Loudly and Carry a Big Gun Palin and her lap dog lackey running mate John Happy to Be VP McCain were delighted at the news and the proof positive that those who earnestly endeavor to achieve power and position will trump those who earnestly endeavor to make things better each and every time. Huzzahs and hosannas could be heard about the land as the OPWP Party ascended and great financial institutions crashed.

Here in Panama, Woowoo Charly had to be restrained as she watched the Sunday morning political gab fests. At one point she burst from her straight jacket and gag to scream "lies, lies, they're all lies" at a Palin spokesperson attempting to paint her candidate as knowing and wise. This outburst frightened our Panamanian plumber who was at the house to do a series of small repairs. "No te preocupe" (don't worry) I told him, "there is only an hour to go until the gentle game of football replaces the violence of politics. Unless you shoot wolves from airplanes, you are safe." We then re-bound and re-gagged Woowoo Chuck and removed all throwable items from the vicinity of our big screen Sony for fear the Democratic demon that possesses her every Sunday from eight A.M. until Wolf Blitzer sinks slowly over the horizon would reemerge and endanger our afternoon football immersion. Despite our best efforts audible grumbling could still be heard.

Even with the daunting prospect of having another angry Enneagram 8 at the White House and possibly even two - we are told that Palin is also a slash and burn, I will destroy you if you cross me, personality type - the day ended on a high note. The beloved by all who can stand to be near the garish color combination of blue and orange Denver Broncos benefited from an inadvertent and premature referee's whistle that saved them from a game killing turnover and allowed them to pull out an amazing 39-38 win over the San Diego Cargadores when a Cutler to Royal two point conversion attempt was successful in the closing seconds.

And speaking of closing seconds I better get busy. I've got a plane to catch.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Where Fore Art Thou Vanity?

I'm eating half of a chocolate muffin as I write this. I'll get to the other half later. The muffin while intact was the size of a softball. I was once able to pass by muffins and their evil minions, doughnuts, biscuits, turnovers, and their like, but alas, no more. In days of old when I was young...ger, I simply said, "shields up" and the tractor beams emitted by sugary confections bounced harmlessly away. I don't know why the Lord of Discipline has morphed into the Peon of Paunchiness, but I suspect it has something to do with my Buddhist/Taoist studies that had me earnestly shedding my ego like a snake its skin or an Autumn tree its leaves. Gone went the ego and all its superficial qualities, not the least of which - and herein lies the problem - is vanity. Without vanity there seems little need to maintain the slender physique of yore. The choice then was between the second doughnut or turning some sweet thing's head and I can tell you sincerely the doughnut had little chance. I was too vain. Now as I watch my face slowly sink south and my girth grow greatly - I'm ten or twelve pounds overweight and heading to New York where bagels are the size of meditation pillows - I feel no compulsion to do battle with my genetically inherited abdominal protrusion. It is what it is, a stomach that grows and shrinks as if on the waves of an internal tide and apart from the frequent belt adjustments this inspires, I care not a whit. I exercise now for heart health and not body svelte. That doesn't rhyme but it's as close as I could come.

Having thought these thoughts and put them to paper, I can now ponder their validity. Do I believe all that I have written here? I can't say for sure, but I sense the second half of the chocolate muffin getting closer and closer and closer.

We leave for NY Monday. NY may be a blog free zone...or not. We'll see how it goes.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Pizza and Stuff

I'm not really in the mood to blog, but I have to say something...anything, to get rid of the Palin pic.

RTGFKAR is building a storage shed behind the house. That's it. There is no further information. I just needed something to snap a photo of. (Never end a sentence in a preposition.) Okay I just needed to snap of a photo. (There, that's better.)

Woowoo Charly, RTGFKAR, friend B and I, (Why is the pronoun "I" capitolized?)(Capitalized? Hey, I can't remember them all.) motored into David yesterday to do this and that and have lunch at Pizza Hut. I have been to three or four Pizza Huts in my life and not a one was actually a hut. I can't explain that. The A/C in the much bigger than a hut building was so cold we opted to eat out on the much bigger than a hut's patio where the temperature was 80 something. There's a nice view of the parking lot from there. While we scarfed our pizzas a couple of gringos we know from Boquete parked and went inside. We are not sure if they came for the pizza or the A/C. They're from Alaska. They may have just needed a touch of home where it is colder than a Palin smile and you are allowed to shoot beautiful animals from an airplane. RTGFKAR and I shared a large "Pepperoni Lovers" pie (Old people will remember that pizzas were originally called pizza pies). We ate every bite and that was clearly a heroic feat. Friend B and Woowoo Chuck shared a medium combination pie that had 147 different kinds of meat, none recognizable but certified not shot from airplanes, noxious weeds in the form of green peppers and unidentifiable vegetables. They fell a couple of pieces short of finishing the pie. The ground opossum and mole chunks may have been too filling. An opinion poll following the meal revealed that both pizzas were as good as any the polled had previously had in Panama and that Obama was a shoo in for president on Pizza Hut's patio.

We went to PriceSmart after lunch because we couldn't find a store named PriceStupid where I'm sure we could have gotten better deals. We stocked up on things we needed like wine, oatmeal and muffins, a gourmet dinner combination favorite and I bought what is called a pair of jeans even though you only get one. I needed to replace the jeans I was wearing as they no longer fit. They had shrunk sometime during lunch at Pizza Hut. It might have been the humidity out on the patio that did it.

On the drive home we played I'm thinking of a person version of 20 questions. "Living?" "NO" "Dead?" "NO" "Bush?" That was fast. What gave it away?

Friday, September 05, 2008

More Politics Schmolitics

So the Repubs convention crashed to a halt last night with McCain saying look out Democrats change is coming. Hmmmm, change is coming. Where have I heard that before? The Dems would never say anything like that would they? Here's what is confusing me. The Republicans have controlled the White House, the Congress or both for 26 of the last 28 years, The White House for the last 8 and Congress 12 of the last 14 and yet somehow the mess the country is now in is the Democrat's fault. Very strange.

I watched the convention during timeouts and commercial breaks of the football game. The impression I got was of overactive children going off in all directions. The two most uttered words were change and maverick while speaker after speaker espoused the same old "be afraid be afraid", "the Dems are snobs", "war is good" "there's nothing wrong with the environment so drill drill drill" "abort abortion" and God likes us better than everybody else." Change? There's no change in that. Maverick? There's not a maverick idea in the bunch. One new idea from the Repubs would be refreshing. Yeah, I know, ideas come from those effete intellectuals. We'll have none of that in our party.

It's too bad Barbara Streisand is not a Republican. She could have sung "Sheeple, sheeple who love sheeple are the luckiest sheeple in the world." Every four years the Repubs trot out the same tired stuff that has brought the U.S. to it's current status, i.e. massively in dept, tied up in a costly, unnecessary war and disliked by even its closest allies and still the shiny eyed Stepford minions cheer, wave their flags and ask for more. I just don't get it.

I do, however, feel a bit sorry for the old centrist Republicans who now have no say and no candidate of their own. What must they think? The Conservatives and the religious fundamentalists now run the show and the party is a far cry from where Dwight, Nelson and Adlai would have had it go. I tell ya, I miss those guys.

And one final thing that baffles me is the Repubs claim on God. My latest writing project has me researching the New Testament on an almost daily basis and I can tell you with certainty that Jesus is clearly, without doubt, no question about it, positively, NOT a Republican. If anything, he's left of the Democrats; an angry Liberal bent on straightening out mankind's ass. The dude would get stoned if he took the podium at the Republican Convention! (And probably the Dems as well) "Yo, John and Sarah. You want to go to heaven? Okay, rid yourself of all your worldly possessions, follow me and we'll go help the poor." Nope, I just don't think that would play well on the convention stage. Fox News would ignore it all together.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Politics Schmolitics

Correction: The Bronco game begins Monday Night at 9:15, not tonight. Giants and Skins kick off the season this eve. What was I thinking?

RTGFKAR has a great idea for a Democratic ad. You show a picture of Sarah Palin during the swimsuit portion of the Miss Alaska contest. In the background you have one of those ghost like images of John McCain. The only sound track is a heart beat, lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub. Suddenly the heart beat stops and you get the long screech of the heart monitor as it indicates flatline. McCain's image disappears and you are left with just Palin in her swimsuit. The caption then reads, Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States.

Palin, we are told, is the governor of a state that has seven hundred seventy thousand people. RTGFKAR and I were born in New Jersey. In New Jersey there are checkout lines with more people than that. We are also told that she approves of hunting wolves from airplanes, shooting them down as they run themselves to exhaustion. She, in fact, helped to block a law that would make this illegal. I don't want Sarah Palin for president. I don't want her for vice president. I don't want her for a neighbor. I'd rather have wolves.

McCain's nomination acceptance speech is scheduled for tonight. If the Repubs are smart - a thing Quale, Bush, Limbaugh and talk show screamers prove to the contrary - he will kick it off before the Giants and Skins do. Otherwise, well, for sure his audience will be diminished. I can say for certain, at least by one.

I am finding the race for the white place quite interesting this go around. As Obama pointed out during an interview, the Republicans don't govern well, but they know how to win. Both of Bush's victories came after documented hanky panky in Florida and Ohio. Who will dance at this year's Inaugural Ball and how they got there will be nearly as much fun to watch as the NFL. Nearly. I said nearly.

The Republicans are who they are and the Democrats are who they are and never the twain shall meet. Most people side with one or the other,- sometimes over a single issue, how dumb is that, while those of us who are not represented by either party are left out in the cold - brrrrr - and either don't vote or vote half-heartedly for the person we think will do the least damage. I don't get it. Why not more parties?

Okay, one more thought before I go, because it's bothering me and maybe you can explain. Why are the Republicans so anti-intellectual? Why are they against being smart? I want my president to be smarter than me. I want my president to be a whole lot smarter than me. I want each president to be smarter than the last. I want my kids to be smarter than me (and they are) and I want their kids to be smarter than they are. That's progress, that's growth, that's evolution. To be a Republican candidate you can be a wolf slayer, a war hero, a pauper, a pirate, a pawn or a king. You can be a doctor, a lawyer or an Indian chief, but you can't be smart. If you want to get elected you have to come off as a common man, an average Joe. I don't know about you but I don't want a common man for president and average Joe's are average. I want an uncommon man,(or woman) an exceptional man (or woman) for president; one who thinks deeply and acts wisely. I don't want the word average applied to any of his deeds. The way I see it: if you want an average country, elect an average man. If you want a less than average country, reelect another Bush.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Frazier, Depression and The NFL

I'm like a little kid at the beginning of football season. (Some would say I'm like a little kid most of the time, but as Woowoo Charly likes to say about herself, "I'm child-like not child-ish, so, yeah, I'll go with that.) I just can't WAIT for that first Bronco kickoff. Today is Wednesday and the Denver Bronco season starts tomorrow at 9:15 P.M. My inner brat is seriously tempted to hit the sack early and thus encourage tomorrow to get here sooner. I'm thinking right after lunch would be good. Besides, I'll need to be well rested for that 9:15 kickoff because that's past my bedtime. Fortunately I have this to do and then I have to, I mean I just HAVE to, make some progress on another writing project and then there is the bar to keep my mind occupied and off the blankety blank Oakland Raiders. That's building a bar, not going to one. (But now that I think of it...no, nevermind.)There has been some football on the tube this week, college ball. To me that's like an hors douvre, an appetizer leading up to the main course, the NFL. The En-ay Ef-ay El-ay as they say here in Panama. College ball fans would understand what I'm talking about it they had to watch high school football for a week leading up to their season. What's worse for me this year is that I NEED the NFL to get me out of my deep, dark, two and a half day old depression. You see, what's happened is Channel 212 has dropped Frazier reruns in favor of My Wife and Kids. I'm completely crushed.

Every weekday at 10:30 A.M. I interrupt my mad scribbling to climb aboard my Elliptical Strider to burn calories and laugh my ass off at Frazier, Niles, Roz, Daphne and company. I wish I could laugh my belly off, but alas, it's my ass that disappears. Maybe I'm peddling wrong. I have frantically surfed about for an adequate substitute, sampling Wife And, Loves Raymond, the Queens King and Belucci, and even though all these shows feature hot wives married to funny guys, they just don't compare with Frazier for laugh a line entertainment. Niles alone is good for another inch off my backside! So by now, the third day sans Frazier, the depression has grown to an epic proportion rivaling that of years past when the Broncos were routinely crushed by ever increasing margins in Superbowl after Superbowl. The only thing that saved me then from selling my soul to the Devil and becoming a Raider or Yankees fan was the hope and optimism for the coming season. Now, with Frazier probably gone for good, I don't know what I will do. The NFL needs to arrive in a hurry. My depression and my ass are growing exponentially.

Monday, September 01, 2008

COOL !

There is no better adjective than "cool". If a thing is cool it is as good as it needs to be. It doesn't have to be splendid or magnificent or grand or even grandiose. Cool is enough. All the other judgmental adjectives were invented just so we wouldn't over use cool. Old people shy away from cool because they don't want to sound immature, but if you deliver the word with the proper emphasis, cool can remain a part of your vocabulary no matter your age. Just say it like you're being facetious and stretch it a bit, cooooool.

Alrighty then.

Have you ever read fantasy? I'm reading a trilogy by George R.R.Martin that has me captivated. Apart from The Lord of the Rings and The Harry Potter books that I've read in Spanish, I don't recall reading much other fantasy. Some sci fi for sure, but no fantasy unless you count the Tarzan series as such. Each of the books in Martin's trilogy are close to a thousand pages and I'm told he has written a fourth and is working on a fifth, both continuations of the original trilogy. (I think I would be working on a fifth, maybe even a quart, if told I had to write that much.)Martin's books, the first of which is "A Game Of Thrones", are complexly plotted and densely character-ed, but are written in a narrative style that carries the action forward with little doubling back. There are stories within stories within the principal story, but Martin moves them all along in such a skillful way that the reader never loses touch with any of them. An entire fictional world populated with creatures both real, people, and created, direwolves for example, seems as believable as the one we live in. If I were writing a review here, I would have to give these books the ultimate in praise. In other words, these books are, you guessed it, wait for it, wait for it, these books are.............cool!