A Brillinat Mind

"Don't! Don't! she kept saying as I called the dog over to the edge of the patio from where I could see a chicken emerging from the coffee plants that border our yard.

"C'mon Babe," I replied, ignoring her protests, "chasing chickens is Gus' favorite thing in life."

I usually listen to my wife because she is wise in the ways of the world. Okay, wise in the ways of the Woowoo World anyway and that special planet includes among its virtues lots of weeeuuuu skills like, for instance, intuition. But here was Gus on the end of his tether, back turned away and oblivious to the encroaching fowl and I thought that he, as the self appointed home protector from the menace of stray cats, other dogs and small birds that linger too long on the bush should be made aware that a big fat enemy was advancing on his turf. Besides that, I was sure this was going to be a laugh riot.

"DOC DON'T!... DON'T! was coming at me in volume as Gus came to my side and I pointed at the fearsome fowl. Of course, pointing doesn't do much for dogs. They mostly just look at your hand and wonder what the hell you're trying to tell them. Gus though, is smarter than the average mutt and on about the third "Look there Gus, there" which I was saying in counterpoint to the rising "Don'ts" in the background, he got the message and saw the chicken.

Here I need to pause a moment, because we humans can do that, pause and reflect before taking action, while dogs when called to arms get right on the job...and tell you that the other end of Gus' tether was truly and stoutly affixed to a water spigot at the side of our house. Had I paused and reflected on that circumstance or had Gus not been the noble family defender that he is, or had either of us, man or dog heeded the pleas of "Don't! Don't" now being directed at us both, well, the outcome would surely have been different.

But then, who would have guessed that a 30 pound pooch could have the strength to actually rip an iron spigot from a concrete wall even if he was traveling at roughly the speed of light? Really, who?

Some of you might be inclined to remind me that there WAS a warning voice throughout the episode that I chose to ignore and that most of you, had you been there, would have advised caution as well. To you I say, oh come on! Have you ever seen a dog chase a chicken? It's hysterical. And besides, he's my dog, he's never actually caught a chicken and he wouldn't know what to do with it if he did. But most of all, let's not forget, the chicken WAS trespassing! It's all the chicken's fault! ... right?

The words I didn't choose to ignore were the "I told you's" that immediately followed. Truth was I couldn't hear them over the chicken screeching, the dog barking and the Niagara Falls that was gushing from the side of my house. My ha ha's turned into oh no's in a split second. In the other half of that second, the chicken disappeared into the coffee plants, the dog got hung up on a bush and it's likely that Woowoo Charly was calling me something I'm glad I couldn't hear. The best laid plans oft gang up on me.

Charly, the chicken and I were now officially distressed. Gus, on the other hand, was a happy fella. He had, after all, successfully done his job.

After that it was all denouement. For those of you who don't know, denouement is a French word that means find the shut off valve, call the plumber, do without water until he gets there the next day and pay attention to your wife when she says,"Don't!

Why is that last part is so hard to remember?