Getting In Shape

I attribute my recent weight gain up to 156 pounds to muscle acquired from pumping iron and not to my massive consumption of RTGFKAR's home baked banana bread, challah, sour dough muffins, apple cinnamon and raison cake/bread and, don't let me forget, pretzels. I really like those big, crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside, salty pretzels. RTGFKAR told me he bakes all of these things without carbohydrates so it is okay to eat them. I believe him.

With football season rapidly approaching, I need to bulk up to withstand the natural weight loss that comes from the running, blocking, tackling and the general mayhem that occurs on my TV screen. There are hours and hours of this stuff every weekend and I need to be prepared. With practice I think I could eat those pretzels twice, maybe even three times, every day. I'm working on it. I'm motivated. I'm dedicated. One technique I've learned from veterans is to drink beer along with the pretzel eating. This creates a condition known by the pros as "the burp factor." Burping loud and deep removes excess air from the abdomen and allows more room for the pretzels. Another tip I got from the experts is to lie back in a reclined position so that your sightline to the TV is just over the rise of your belly. This relieves the pressure on the bladder that one gets from sitting straight up. The net result is fewer bathroom trips and fewer missed beer commercials.

Having said that, I must now go to my weight set and pump some iron. My bench and barbells are cleverly positioned just outside our kitchen door on the back patio. I say cleverly, because this way if there's anything cooling on the counter waiting to be sampled, It won't escape my notice. Training is training and I would be remiss to pass it by.