Saturday, August 11, 2007

Have Tos

Gazing at the screen...blankly. I've been doing that for a few minutes. It's not exactly a meditative state nor a daydream for that matter. It's more like the definition of inertia, a body at rest tends to stay at rest, or even coma, my hair is so short it's hard to coma, no, wait, that's the third definition, the first says something about stupor and lethargy who, I believe are doing stand-up at the Apollo on Friday nights.

And that's all I got yesterday before being rudely interrupted by life. Even in retirement there are things you HAVE TO DO. Many of those are pointed out to me by Woowoo Charly who has a handle on the have-tos that completely eludes me. I'm lucky to have her else I'd miss a couple of those and then who knows what could happen? I might HAVE TO DO something even more dreadful than the original something and if I ducked that one too, well, chaos would surely reign. Yesterday I had to go to the new house site with RTGFKAR and Woowoo Chuck. We had a scheduled meeting with our builder, Lizbeth Mendez, who looks like a builder about as much as I look like an NFL linebacker. She's short and has a Buddha like bod and a Dali Lama smile. She's also far too young or, at least, it seems so to me, but then, from my sixty six year old perch, anyone not gray and wrinkled belongs in school. We also had to meet our ebanista, our door maker and cabinet installer. He too is a kid, but he had a tape measure and a pad and pencil, so I'm sure he's competent.

Lucky, I was there, though. While RTGFKAR and Woowoo Charly went over construction details with the aforesaid duo, I got to stand around and chat with a couple of the laborers. From them I learned absolutely nothing and that always comes in handy and I got to use some new words I've learned in Spanish like bostezo (yawn)and colchon (mattress). These, of course, had nothing to do with our conversation which was mostly about what a nice view we have, but did stand to serve as a way to make latino's eyes glaze over. That can come in handy too.

After that we had to have lunch and then we had to entertain drop-in visitors and then we had to buy beer and watch the PGA golf tournament. So you can see why it took me until today to finish this blog. I wasn't worried though. I knew at some point I'd HAVE TO DO it.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Getting In Shape

I attribute my recent weight gain up to 156 pounds to muscle acquired from pumping iron and not to my massive consumption of RTGFKAR's home baked banana bread, challah, sour dough muffins, apple cinnamon and raison cake/bread and, don't let me forget, pretzels. I really like those big, crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside, salty pretzels. RTGFKAR told me he bakes all of these things without carbohydrates so it is okay to eat them. I believe him.

With football season rapidly approaching, I need to bulk up to withstand the natural weight loss that comes from the running, blocking, tackling and the general mayhem that occurs on my TV screen. There are hours and hours of this stuff every weekend and I need to be prepared. With practice I think I could eat those pretzels twice, maybe even three times, every day. I'm working on it. I'm motivated. I'm dedicated. One technique I've learned from veterans is to drink beer along with the pretzel eating. This creates a condition known by the pros as "the burp factor." Burping loud and deep removes excess air from the abdomen and allows more room for the pretzels. Another tip I got from the experts is to lie back in a reclined position so that your sightline to the TV is just over the rise of your belly. This relieves the pressure on the bladder that one gets from sitting straight up. The net result is fewer bathroom trips and fewer missed beer commercials.

Having said that, I must now go to my weight set and pump some iron. My bench and barbells are cleverly positioned just outside our kitchen door on the back patio. I say cleverly, because this way if there's anything cooling on the counter waiting to be sampled, It won't escape my notice. Training is training and I would be remiss to pass it by.