Dogs in the Wild

We set up our camp on a mountainside in north western Panama. It was here we hoped to gather data and learn more about the habits of the dog species commonly referred to as the short-legged, stump-tailed, floppy eared Goofus Canineus. The male of the species, the Cocker, we learned, differs only from the female, the Vaginer, in having a less aggressive temperament and a, usually, somewhat smaller size. Apart from these minor differences, gender proved irrelevant to our studies.

After several years of general observation of Goofi and other related species in the area, we focused our attention on a newborn pair of the pack and determined to concentrate solely on them in hopes of achieving a greater in-depth understanding of the type. We named them Rafael and Mathilda.

The first bit of data gathered about the pups - the young of the species are referred to as pups - indicated that the Goofi awaken with the dawn of each new day. In order to capture the full scope of their activities it would be necessary for one of we scientists to arise with them. Team member Doctor D.L.Walton, fully credentialed by the Society for the Prevention of Society, being a so called "morning person" volunteered to witness and record the pups early activities. Here are his initial findings:

"Somewhat before achieving a state of full wakefulness, the pups begin to whine, cry, growl and exhibit other signs of annoyance at the darkness. As the first ray of light slips into their domicile, the pups begin to mock fight in a playful manner which we believe is a defensive preparation for attacks from a competing local species, the infamous Kitty Cat. A grumbling adult of the pup's pack, awakened by their fussing, then arises and leads them from their sheltered sleeping space and off into the surrounding open area where they will deposit their urine and scat in a seemingly random manner. By careful study of this habit though, we have concluded that the placement of the scat is a deliberate effort by the pups to have it stepped upon by careless natives and thus spread over a greater area. Curiously, a canineus pup of another type, a member of the Doofi family, has been adopted by the pack and trails happily after the Goofi, imitating their every move. We have named him Finnegan.

After ridding themselves of waste, the pups go in search of nourishment, which we researchers refer to as "reloading." The adult of the pack is seen to go into a space that is part of the Goofi and Doofi's jungle home and return with bowls of food that have been stored there. The pups wait impatiently outside. Each pup receives his bowl excitedly. They must, however, be kept apart as they eat, because the one we call Rafael will chase the others from their bowls and, to use the most technical of terms, bogart all the food for himself.

After eating, the pups will spend the next hour or so romping around in a form of play we refer to as "annoying the adult." Attempts will be made to attract the adult's attention by doing things such as chewing on objects they shouldn't, disappearing for too long a time, fighting too roughly with each other, digging where they shouldn't, and otherwise trying to elicit from the adult cries of "no, stop, quit that and where the hell are you." This behavior seems common to both the Goofi and the Doofi. When the adult arrives at what we scientists refer to as "wits end" he leaves in search of another to take his place. The pups will then repeat their actions in an attempt to drive this new adult into a state we call "round -the-bend." Fortunately, the pups eventually tire and the adults of the pack are given respite when the pups collapse and nap.

The Canineus Goofi and Doofi have varied and interesting lives throughout the day, all of which will be chronicled at a later date when greater data has been accumulated.