Killer Cockers?

Police in Boquete, Panama are reporting a death by mutilation of a squeaky toy at the Hoff/Wal residence. The innocent toy, a large mouselike replica was last seen in good condition catching a few rays on the Hoff/Wal lawn late Sunday afternoon, the first of February. Nine-one-one calls reporting squeaks for help were logged early Monday morning.

"It was horrible" a Hoff/Wall neighbor said to this reporter shortly after the event occurred. "You could hear the poor thing squeaking helplessly above the snarls and growls of the beasts that got it. I'm going to have nightmares because of this, I just know it."

When police arrived on the scene they found a headless, disemboweled and eviscerated toy corpse, its parts scattered about the Hoff/Wal property. "I've never seen anything like it" the Chief Inspector said. "The internal squeaker was completely removed from the body and chewed almost beyond recognition. The head, well, for now let's just say it's missing. I don't want to speculate as to where it might be."

The residents of the Hoff/Wal property were interviewed but denied any knowledge of the crime. "We were watching the Super Bowl at the time it happened" one of them, a so called Woowoo Charly, said to investigators and this reporter; a story to which the other house members concurred. "Besides that," Woowoo continued, "we are the ones that brought the rodent into our home. Why would we want to see it harmed?" As each crime scene resident provided an alibi for the others, they were permitted to remain at large pending further investigations into a possible conspiracy.

Two Cocker Spaniel puppies found at the scene were taken into custody for questioning, but later released to their owners as there was insufficient evidence to hold them. Although they were bright eyed and tail wagging, the pups were uncooperative and refused to speak when ordered to do so. Police were not ruling out their possible involvement in the crime. A third dog, a Golden Retriever puppy, was questioned and also permitted to leave as not having sufficiently developed teeth to have taken part in the heinous death of the mouse toy. Both the residents and the Golden were cautioned not to leave town. Though the police do not believe they were the perpetrators of the crime, charges of aiding and abetting could be filed if they were in any way involved with the helpless rodent's demise.

The case remains unsolved and Boquetanians fear further attacks on their toys may be forthcoming. A citywide alert has been issued.