Census Silliness and the Importance of Horror Movies

The census taker was a serious young man who insisted on speaking English even though it was clear in the first five minutes that our Spanish was better than his English. I'm sure he thought this was a great opportunity to practice, but his inability to bite down on his consonants made him a kind of a yodeler and difficult to understand. I responded to his questions in Spanish because, well, I could, and doing so I thought, would speed the process a bit. Naturally some confusion arose. At one point after discussing financial matters, he asked, "Sons?" with a very hazy "n" and no "s" at all. Not realizing he was moving on to a new section, I thought he was asking for a sum. The answer then would have been tres mil (three thousand) which is what I said. The guy's eyes widened and then went blank. Woowoo Charly was the first to understand. "No Doc" she said, "we don't have three thousand sons!" We all laughed then, including the census guy, who made some comment about me being a pretty impressive dude and, poor Charly. After that it was back to being serious. But being serious, apparently - I can't say for certain because it is a condition rare to me - doesn't necessarily make one error free. The census guy came back three hours later, having forgotten an entire section concerning RTGFKAR.

In the Boy Scout fashion of being prepared, we had printed out an English version of the census forms. There were some interesting translations and intriguing questions there. My favorite of the former was this: "Then it plunges the whole of persons for sex and note down the numbers in the respective pigeonholes." Alrighty then, I'll get right on it!

Section 23 was entitled HERE OR IN ANOTHER PLACE: SOME OF THE PERSONS WHO LIVE IN THIS HOME. Hey, some of the persons living in this home are often in another place and even more often, without even leaving the house.

Under section 7 WHAT TYPE OF MENTAL DISABILITY DO YOU HAVE?, was the choice "Mental Delay." Most days I've got that in spades. I didn't check it off though because I didn't think of it quick enough.

Under section 5 WHAT IS YOUR MARITAL STATUS? one of the choices is "15 year old minor?" I'm not sure how that quite relates to the question.

Under section 22 IF YOU DID NOT LOOK FOR WORK LAST WEEK, WHY? one of the choices is, "I got tired of looking." Hey, I can dig that. (We did not have to answer these type questions.)

And here is my personal favorite: WHAT PLACE DO YOU USE IN THIS HOUSING WITH MORE FREQUENCY TO POOP? Actually, I'd most like to know what your second choice would be. That way if I'm at your house, I could avoid stepping in something.

I was happy to note, though, that under GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS Section 2, SEX there were only two choices.


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So there I was contentedly watching "Bloodrayne 2", a vampires in the old west saga with Billy the Kid being the worst of the bunch, when a surprising bit of philosophy was passed along by one of the guys still filled with blood at the end of the flick. This tidbit is so good and so right on a couple of levels, I feel it incumbent upon me to pass it further along as many of you were likely to have missed "Bloodrayne 2", an eventuality I'm sure you will regret the moment you have read what's next.

Life is like a penis.
When it is hard, you get screwed.
When it is soft, you can't beat it.

Go ahead, argue with that.