Brain Cells Begone

Is there anything more mind numbing than NFL Draft Day? If ESPN really wants to turn this event into entertainment they need to include singing, dancing, scantily clad women and juggling bears....or maybe bare juggling. To make matters worse on an event less Saturday afternoon TV schedule, the PGA Golf Tournament featured a leaderboard that included players named Wi, Kelly, Moreno and Who The Hell Is That Guy. Not exactly a Tiger/Phil duel. The only thing that kept me from a deep coma was practicing "double stops" on my guitar while I viewed the "action" on the tube. (Can anyone actually reach from the seventh fret with their pointy finger down to the twelfth fret with their pinky?)(Anyone with normal size hands, that is.)

"The Denver Broncos, with the twelfth pick in this year's draft, select Knowshon Moreno from the University of Georgia."

Yeah, that's right, I'm thrilled. (He says sarcastically.) Knowshon. Well I guess that's better than Knowshow Cutler.

"If Kelly can make this three foot putt, he'll have a four stroke lead."

Oh. Darn. Missed. Has anybody got any drugs?

Today should be better though. I'm looking forward to the third and fourth rounds of the draft and the conclusion of the golf tournament.

"With the three hundred and fifty seventh pick in this years' draft, the Denver Broncos select Knownothing Leadfoot, a wide receiver from Valdosta State A and M Penitentiary."

"They got a real steal there Bob. Kansas City was predicted to pick Knownothing with the three hundred fifty sixth pick but let him slide to get that 160 pound linebacker from Patterson State Teachers College. I don't know what they were thinking. Leadfoot's a project but with training could end up a starter in this league or maybe a parallel universe."

Did I say I was thrilled?

"If Kelly can sink this three foot putt, we will have a four way tie and be headed for a playoff. Don't worry folks. We will stay on the air until the conclusion of the tournament."

Just shoot me now. Please.