Is there an easier way?

My muse is doing the limbo along with my mind. It's ducking under the bar to Jamaican rhythyms played on steel drums. I can't focus, get present or buckle down winsockie buckle down. New York images appear and fade like blinking neon signs. Yesterday I read on an awning overhanging a fifth Avenue sidewalk the words "Chinese Mexican Food." I wasn't tempted because what is that anyway, stir fried burritos? Chicken chow mole? Yikes.

Our first grandchild is named Jesse. Our latest is named Jackson. Jesse Jackson. I can't imagine what that means...if anything. In between we have Cody, Carson and Keely. We Waltons are an alliterative bunch. Or should I say an alliterative American amalgamation? Probably not. It's too hard to spell.

So there's my kid on the bed, legs spread, knees hiked up, husband, sister, mom and doctor in close proximity while I sit in the corner under threats of death if I make even the smallest of jokes. I'm not even allowed to comment when the doctor says, "You're not pushing you're just scrunching up your face." Is this rude or what? I'm thinking, yo suture breath, you wanna switch places with the kid and do some pushing your own self, see how that feels. I mean who's doing the work and who's making the big bucks? C,mon, cut the kid some slack. I didn't say anything though. The duct tape on my mouth was pretty tight.

Even after being there I'm still at a loss as to the whys and wherefores of the whole thing. Really. Isn't there some easier way to induce babies to come out? Tempt them with video games or movie tickets or something. Do they have to be shoved out into the world? Maybe if we just talked to them a while longer, they'd come out on their own. Tell them how good ice cream tastes and how much fun it is to read a book. If that doesn't work, sprinkle in a little guilt.
"Hey Baby, you're taking up space your dear old mom needs for other things. She's been lugging you around for months. Come on out now and give her break. We'll put you right back, I promise." Has anybody even tried this approach? What about, "If you don't come out right now, you'll miss the kickoff. " Woulda worked for me.