Right Parters

I thought about typing in this whole bit from Vanity Fair magazine, but I'm far too lazy so I will, for the most part, summarize.

Reasons McCain should not be president: He's as much a puppet of the neocons as George Bush. He's a hothead and K street's Manchurian candidate, a man willing to do anything to pander to the fringes of his party. He's too old to be president of anything. Local chamber of commerce, maybe. President of the U.S.? Certainly not. And now the biggie that has me writing this. He parts his hair on the right side.

Brother and sister sociologists John and Catherine Walker "who have spent a frightening amount of time researching the subject, conclude that 'a hair part has a crucial impact on interpersonal relationships by affecting immediate character appraisal, perceived personality traits, self perception and self development.'"
Right parters they note, tend to possess right brain tendencies like obsessiveness, defensiveness, extremism, fanaticism, weakness and woodenness. Alrighty then! Positive traits are memory of pictures and musical perception. A McCain white house should use flash cards and show tunes to accompany classified information. Of the six previous presidents who were right partners five were considered failures, James Buchanon, Warren G. Harding, John Tyler, Andrew Jackson and Chester A. Arthur and the sixth Ronald Reagan was a success to many and a failure to others depending on your opinion of Iran-contra and the sweeping deregulation that has led to today's economic woes.

Left parters or no parters include Abe Lincoln, both Roosevelts, Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson. Lincoln and Jimmy Carter both switched parts to the left when they entered office. Bill Clinton has no part and Hilary parts on the left. Rush Limbaugh is a right parter. Obama is a no parter like the majority of Americans today.

The final word on who will make it big in D.C. goes to DC Comics. In the Chris Reeve Superman films Clark Kent parted his hair on the right. The man of steel, on the other hand, parted his on the left.

So there you have that.