It's a Doggie Dog World

He tried to explain that the only discipline worth a damn was self discipline, but his dogs didn't understand. They remained unruly. While rubbing their bellies to keep them happy as he snipped off patches of their matted fur, he patiently explained that good behavior was rewarded and bad was not. No matter, they didn't care and wouldn't voluntarily change their ways. Even while walking them with his arms stretched forward by leashes and his body tilted back against the strain so that he appeared to be a stumbling, mumbling Frankenstein, he calmly, but nevertheless ardently, tried to persuade the two heaving, panting Cockers that they were not Huskies and there was no need to "Mush." The dogs pulled even more stubbornly forward, seemingly deaf to his appeals. I'm beginning to think, he one day thought, that these dogs don't understand English. Continuing with this new to him use of brain cell activity, he further wondered what Jesus, or better yet, what Cesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer would do. Even though his dusty mind had apparently not been used for several incarnations, it did this time provide an answer. "Whisper" it said, "whisper you Dummy, whisper." Well that answer seemed so logical to him that the man decided to try it. The very next day, confident that his new technique would be the one that finally worked, he let the dogs run free to romp and play and do those doggie things that doggies do. When it was time for them to come home, he pursed his lips in a hissy sort of way and whispered, "Here Mattie, here Raffi, come, come. Come, come. Well the dogs finally did make it home. Of course it was several hours later and it was their dinner time and they were wet, mud caked and ready to dry themselves off on the nearest carpet, but still the man considered the day a success. "See," he said to no one in particular, "this dog training stuff is a piece of cake."