just say no

Ladles and Menvermin, in the absence of anything interesting to say today, (What is an interesting thing to say anyway? Something about global warming? The Middle East? Progress in women's undergarments?) the Great Waltoni now asks that you throw out a topic, any topic, for him as the World's Least Most Authority to discourse upon. Do we have any volunteers? You at the back waving your foot. What's that you say? Arithmetic? Alrighty then.

Hrrggg and harumph. (Clearing throat of frogs and the cat that has his tongue) (Disgusting really) Arithmetic in and of itself is not the danger it is purported to be. Many people use it successfully in moderation with apparently no harm or negative long term effects. Admittedly, studies show there may be some cases of addiction, but these are rare and at its worst find their victims habitually double counting their change. No it is not Arithmetic we must fear, but rather, what it can lead to. I am talking here specifically of that most dangerous and addictive of all endeavors...Mathematics. Math, or Crystal Math as it is known by its enthusiasts, cannot be used casually or recreationally because even those among us with the strongest of discipline will find themselves returning for more, ever more. Soon the streets of our fair land will be crawling with people holding a phone in one hand and the dreaded calculator in the other. Many... and here is where my warning to you all is most important...many will begin to mainline their Math and become, you guessed it, Accountants! From there, my constituents, I need not point out, it is only a short step to Kenneth Lay! Soooo, if your child has taken to adding and subtracting things, I suggest you keep a close watch, or better yet, give him a book and be sure he doesn't stare at the page numbers. Remember my words. Arithmetic is not safe for everyone.