The Magazine Rack Reveals...

If you've stood in a checkout line lately, you might have noticed these entries on the magazine rack.

Cosmopolitan: Ladies, has your guy got a lot of gall? New research out of Panama says he's a lighter, brighter guy without it.

The National Inquirer: Photos reveal J-Lo crushed by news of secret flame's gallbladder split. Marc says, "hey, he can have mine."

Weekly News and World Report: Alien life form disguised as gallbladder removed from man's stomach in small Latin American country. Doctors say it was necrotic but we at WNWR don't know what planet that is.

National Geographic: Tiny Bacterial tribesmen are shown here seeking refuge in a new zone as their traditional homeland on the Plains of Gallbladder falls victim to unknown causes. Global warming and the policies of George Bush are suspected in the death of the area. Additional research is being conducted by a team of scientists and a team of synchronized cheerleaders to determine the cause of the area's demise.

Good Housekeeping: Today's tip from Martha: Throw out that old gallbladder. You don't need it, it doesn't work all that well and it's just junking up your abdominal closet. Here's how....

Popular Mechanics: Both Black and Decker and Stanley have brought out new products aimed at helping the do-it-yourself gall bladder remover. Each of the odd looking devices can drill four abdominal holes simultaneously and both are fitted with the new Hoover turbo vacuum pack. Look for them soon on your hardware shelves.

Sports Illustrated: Boston's slick fielding, strong armed, slap hitter, Doke Waltone, was placed on the disabled list for the 47th consecutive year when an MRI revealed his gallbladder had gone yard. Sox field general Terry Franconahead was quoted as saying, "management felt it was the best thing to do, but personally I think he'd still hit better than Lugo even without his gb."

New York Times Book Review: THE STONES OF GALL BLADDER hit the shelves to moderate reviews last Friday, debuting at 19 on the Hardcovered Organ Best Seller list. Author Doughnald Whaltone hopes that this his latest contribution to literature and the trash bin outside the medical lab will enjoy the same success as his previous submission, the children's work, THE LUMPY THING ON THE NECK THAT WOULD NOT DIE SO WE KILLED IT.