The Tour De Doc

I've been afflicted of late with a scarcity of blogging ideas. My mind has been much too engaged with a deeply intellectual, complex, complicated, difficult to fathom issue, to bother with the incredible lightness of blogging. As you know, when a thing like that takes hold, it is tougher to shake than a pit bull's bite. I'm talking, of course, about football.

Not to worry though. I'm not going to write about football. I am, instead, as an olive branch to my middle daughter's new fiance, going to write everything I know about bicycle racing. Okay here I go: They do it once a year in France. All the riders wear silly helmets and tight bathing suits. Sometimes they crash.

I feel better now. It's good to shake off the slings and arrows of football mania. And speaking of arrows, I think the Florida State Seminoles have the coolest logo of all on the sides of their helmets, but I'm not writing about football today, so I won't elaborate. I'm writing about bicycling.

I'm not sure when the bicycle season begins. As far as I know, there is only that one race and it occurs in, I think, the Spring. The race lasts a couple of weeks, so that may be the full extent of the season. I could be wrong, but I don't think they have playoffs.

Speaking of playoffs, I'm in favor of a playoff format to determine the college football champion. I would explain why I have this opinion, but I'm not writing about football today.

The bicycle race they have in France every year is, they think, cleverly called "The Tour of France" although the French spell that differently. I don't want to be controversial here, but it's not much of a tour if you ask me. I mean the riders are all humped over and pedaling too frantically to really enjoy the scenery. Plus you don't get to see All of France, just some of it. When the cyclists go through a town they, in fact, don't get to see any of it! Flocks of French gather to line the roads and block their view. The crowds are so thick they make American sport promoters green with envy.

And speaking of green, I like any football team that wears green and white uniforms. Even green, white and black. Michigan State wears those colors and they are undefeated so far this year. I don't like green and yellow or gold as a rule, but I do like the Oregon Ducks who wear those colors. I like them simply because they are the Ducks. Who wouldn't want Ducks as their nickname. But I won't linger here, because I'm not writing about football today.

Unlike other kinds of races, the guy and his bike who cross the finish line first on the last day of the Tour of France is not necessarily the winner. This is not surprising when you consider, as I've said, the race is in France. What happens, as far as I can tell, is that a bunch of Frenchmen get together, drink some wine, nibble some cheese and then vote on the winner. The fact that there are a lot of people in the race and thus a lot of names to remember, may account for why, once the judges have settled on a name, that guy usually gets declared the winner several years in a row.

And speaking of winners, this is a tough year to predict the outcome of NFL games. There are a lot of surprising teams doing well and vaunted teams doing poorly. My team, The Denver Broncos, are not doing well at all and I would talk about why except I'm not writing about football today.

Another confusing thing about the Tour of Some of France is the issuance each day to one of the participants of a yellow jersey. This has nothing to do, I understand, with any act of cowardice, but is more like the game of "You're It" that children play. Apparently, the other racers have to catch this yellow wearing guy and if they do, then they get to be "It." I know this sounds confusing, but...again, this is a French thing we're talking about.

And speaking of French things, what's the deal with this guy Favre? (That's a French name isn't it?) The guy is always in the news and on my nerves. I'd like to discuss this, but it's football related, so I'll not mention it today.

In conclusion I want to mention PEDAL. As today's blog is all about bicycle racing, I thought I would enlighten the unenlightened (Because to enlighten the enlightened would be a waste of time) about what the acronym PEDAL means, so here it is: Performance Enhancing Drugs. Armstrong, Lance.