Movies and Television

Beware of movies that have only a piano being played with the right hand as the background music. These movies usually feature bearded and bespectacled men wearing turtleneck sweaters under their sport jackets. The women players are either leotard clad or dressed to the nines depending upon the time of day. Any time beyond noon will frequently find them drinking too much. The movies will consist of mostly pseudo intellectual banter and have no clear purpose. There will be a beginning, there might be a middle, but a straightforward ending will always be lacking. I won't say these movies are boring, because six people living in a well kept old mansion with unused tennis courts and tended gardens outside of Boston will simply "adore" them and who am I to say they are wrong? Nevertheless, I feel it is my duty to caution others. Movies of this type have been known to cause painful brain cramps and spark deep feelings of inferiority. Take my advice. When the opening credits roll and the piano tinkles something vaguely jazz-like, reach for the remote without further ado. Your mental health is in danger.

Alrighty then.

Here's a stolen line from a good movie I used on Woowoo Charly last night: "We make the perfect couple," I said, pausing for timing's sake before adding, "Beauty and the Beast." She looked at me tenderly then so I delivered the punchline. "Of course if anyone else calls you a beast, I'll rip their lungs out." (Jack Nicholson as the Joker in "Batman.")

Have I mentioned that I watch movies in lieu of regular television and, in fact, pretty much any movie will do; even the dreadful kind like those Ive described above. (Aside: I like to use semi colons whenever I think they are called for on the off chance that every once in awhile it will be the correct punctuation.) I know there are good, well written, well played, meaningful television shows, and probably, with the plethora of channels, more now than ever before, but...and here I pause to contemplate my use of a very strong word...I HATE commercials. Lest you think I am missing out on a good thing, I should point out that I do watch some shows in reruns while I pedal my elliptical glider. I mean I want to keep abreast of the latest happenings and not get too far behind the times. That Friends show, for instance, is really good even if I do have to suffer through the ads. It's still on...right?