There Goes Another Piece Of My Mind

I wonder how many writers arrive at their ideas without the aid of alcohol, drugs, coffee, oatmeal, or other mind altering substances? I'm betting not many. A couple of nights ago I sat out with scotch in hand to watch the rain and found my mind crammed ear to ear with things to write. I even managed to scribble a couple of the inspirations on a piece of paper for later use and one of them is, more or less, this paragraph. Okay, so it's not Shakespeare, but keep in mind I was drinking scotch not mead.

RTGFKAR says that Finnegan, our Golden, who is clearly obsessive about his retrieval business, needs to learn meditation. I've been working on him, but he only achieves stillness while waiting for me to throw something. His Om, I should mention, lacks length, but it will get your attention.

I called Sky TV last Monday to complain about not receiving the NFL Sunday Ticket package that I had sweat blood and paid for and was assured I would have no problems the following Sunday, yesterday. Well wrongo Football Fanatico! When the pregame shows did not appear at their designated time, I whipped out my trusty Motorola phone to give the bastards a piece of my mind, because, you know, I don't really need the whole thing. For my urgent efforts, I got to hang on "hold" for twenty minutes listening to Sky commercials in Spanish. Every once in awhile - between tape rewinds I suppose - a voice would say "gracias por esperar", (thanks for waiting) and it was then that I would let loose with the tirades from the part of my mind that I didn't need anyway. I eventually got through to a fellow who spoke marginal English and was told "No problema", Sky was merely clearing up some technical difficulties between the U.S. and Panama and that the football games would appear at twelve sharp you betcha. Well wrongo again, Football Freako! No games. Nothing, in fact, but a small on screen sign that read, "If you wish to purchase this program, call customer service." Now I don't have a lot of cool left. I used up most of it when I was younger with, thankfully, no harmful consequences, so not maintaining the little I do have bothered me not a wit. I lost it and snatched up my cell anew. I then angrily punched in Sky's phone number because I just couldn't wait to be put on "hold" to listen to their nifty "buy me" commercials. You betcha my...nevermind. Eventually I got through to another "English speaker" which is a correct description of the fellow only if you can call me a Spanish speaker, a thing you might do if you had never actually heard Spanish, well, spoken. This English speaker, though, was a man of immense talents and brilliant ideas, one of which he put to use right away. He clicked me through to Technical Support. There I got to talk to a man who led me through a series of "Read me the numbers on your box, read me the numbers on the card in your box and now turn to Channel 100 and wait" steps while I muttered stuff that sounded a lot like Finnegan's Om. But then, hurrah, to my great surprise and with an enormous lo and behold, and I'm not talking be hold on the phone but the actual "Holy shit look at that!" behold, a football game appeared on my screen. This event may be a small wonder to some, but it was a big wonder to me and verified what I have said over and over again, "Persistence is an eleven letter word."

The conclusion to this tale is simple: I am going to be credited with my lost football time, but Sky is keeping my cool and the piece of my mind I gave them for further use.