Still Stalling

Yesterday's stall tactic worked so well - I wrote for four hours - I think it best to give-it-a-go again today.

Stall, stall, stall, sip some coffee, stall some more. I am trying to finish a story I am co-writing with B.R. tentatively titled "Fraudulent" before leaving for NY. We are twenty pages in and I found myself struggling to move the plot along even though I have a direction in mind. It occurred to me that our narrative voice was too stiff and formal for my style, so yesterday I rewrote about half using a voice that has a personality and I hope to finish the rest today; the rest of the rewrite, that is. Adding more will begin Friday.

After that Macbeth.

What I'm trying to do is clear the decks so that I can start on a book called Letters From The Laundry. This will be a book about life in a minimum security prison. The co-author is a friend who has had the experience and made copious notes. Could be fun to write, could be a chore. Who knows? We will see how it goes.

Now that that is all cleared up for the curious, both of you, I'll get on with the blog stall.

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A Few Things I've learned about being old that I didn't steal from Dan Jenkins or Dave Barry:

Approach any activity that occurs below mid-calf with great trepidation and extreme slowness. These include picking up anything you have dropped, petting small dogs, tying shoes, lifting babies and the five second dropped food rule.(Just leave it there.) The recommended procedure when doing any of these is to fall to one knee. Never bend unless you feel foolhardy which is a fun word to say, but not to be.

If food tastes good, don't eat it. It will make you fat, clog your arteries and kill you, all three immediately. Well, at least that's what it sounds like when you read the studies. On the other hand, if your food tastes like and has the consistency of a doormat, make it a large part of your diet.

If you have to drive in traffic, especially at night...don't. Move far away from where that happens.

Be clean, neat, well groomed. This way fewer people will suspect you still have the dirty mind of a nineteen year old.

Don't drink, smoke or swear by themselves. It's best to do all three at once when the occasion calls for it. A round of golf is a good example of an occasion.

Know everything there is to know about the opposite sex. Okay, know something about the opposite sex. Okay, try to get along with the opposite sex even though you know nothing about them and they act really weird.

Dance whenever you get the urge even by yourself if necessary. If you never get the urge, get therapy.

Never join anything that has rules.

When you run out of ideas say "to be continued."

To Be Continued.