Sex and Golf

Saturday night while waiting for the Texas Techies Okie State football game to come on I tuned to a show entitled "Wild Sex, Femme Fatale" because, c'mon, wouldn't you? There was much to be learned from this show, but not exactly what I was hoping for. It was about bugs. I am a little concerned about the bias of television censors toward insects and against people. Insects are allowed to perform all sorts of kinky sexual acts, including tearing off and eating their partners heads post coitus, while people are barely permitted a skin to skin caress. It's just not fair and I don't know what to make of it. Why, I ask you, the double standard? As I watched a televised gigantically overweight female spider impose herself on an unsuspecting, but not unwilling male an actual spider wandered out from under a nearby wardrobe. It stopped to look up at the screen and was clearly appalled but fascinated by what was being shown. After a couple of seconds though, its fascination turned to concern and it scurried back to the wardrobe to cover its children's eyes. Spiders have standards too and although I don't know exactly what they are I'll bet they stop short of letting the little ones watch that head chomping thing.

The rain has been letting off a bit the last few days and by a bit I mean it no longer falls with the density of a barrel full of Gatorade being dumped on a winning coach's head. There is hope that golf will be in the nearby offing. (Hmmm, does anyone say, besides me that is, "in the offing" anymore? And if not, why not? I like the way it sounds even if I am not exactly sure what it means apart from, maybe, soon.) I miss the sound of a mis-swung club striking a ball un-squarely and seeing said ball fly to parts unknown. This sound and this vision are still with me after weeks of not playing because when one has done a thing a thousand times, the memory of same is indelibly planted on one's monkey mind. You know, like, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The sound of a well swung club, on the other hand, striking a ball solidly is a sound I only vaguely remember from having heard it on television awhile ago. Televised golf swings are usually amplified and they sound something like swoosh plock. This sound, strangely enough, is the exact sound a female spider makes as it leaps forward and bites off its lover's head. The next time you hear it, don't be disturbed. Just think golf.