Oldie # 2

I was browsing through old files the other day and I came across the following bit. It was written as a catharsis to rid myself of a very long day.

ACCOUNTING ESSENTIALS FOR THE NON-ACCOUNTANT
OR
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
By Doc Walton

This all day class and my participation in it was undoubtedly the result of some heinous crime I had committed in my childhood for which I had been previously unrepentant. And, in truth, I thought the Constitution prohibited punishment of a cruel and unusual nature. Some people are just not meant to glean the meaning of “The Accounting Cycle – An Overview” and should not be allowed to commune with those who can for fear of spiritual damage to both.
I meant no great harm at the end of the day when I elaborated to my wife on the depth of the coma and the degree of the boredom I had achieved while attending this class, but I was perhaps too descriptive and too enthusiastic and too colorful in my narration. I should not have dwelled so long on the weirdness and the alien-like qualities of people who do enjoy Event equals Journal equals General Ledger equals Adjustment equalsFinancial Statement equals More of the same for all Eternity, for it was at the precise moment of my most deeply thrust rapier bon mot that my wife leaped to her feet and screamed something about my not knowing what the hell she did all day and how insensitive a butthead could I be anyway!
I plead ignorance, poor memory and being genetically male (hence a sub species), but it did little good. She remained in an angry fugue for the rest of the night and was heard to mumble something about liquidity ratios and my debit and credit entry being precariously unbalanced in her book, so watch out Buster, moments before falling asleep to CNN’s “Wall Street Today.”
I followed her into dreamland perhaps a half hour later; Pat Conroy’s, "Prince of Tides", happily concluded and placed on the bed table beside me. It was on Pat’s pages I had found the words “minatory, circumvallated, flense, anapests, numinous” and more. Words, glorious, wonderful words! I would face the reality and necessity of numbers another day. Tonight I had my words. “Divagation…manumission…chasubles”... sleep.