Life lessons

Sheesh! I've just finished reading the news. There is illegal domestic spying of unprecedented proportions, Iraq is still a mess, Iran wants the bomb not talks, the gap between the rich and the poor grows ever more obscene, global warming is the end of us all and the Yankees are tied for first place. Oh, and did I mention a giant corporation brought to life by exposure to radiation from nuclear testing has just surfaced from the bottom of the sea and is now stomping Tokyo flat? Not to worry though, Monkeymind is here to bring you the good news and the lighter side of life. So here forthwith is that: pause pause pause...think think think Did I mention that G.W Bush only has two and a half years left of his term in the White House? Or should I put that, G.W. Bush STILL has two and a half years left of his....? I suppose this is an example of the classic optomist/pessimist debate: is George Bush's brain half full or half empty?

I really should stay away from subjects like politics, religion, history...geometry and ah, well, you know, any of those things you learn in school, because I and my monkeymind were frequently either absent or visiting a parallel universe. In that universe, especially during high school, I found my learning center and point of greatest stimulation was not always above my neck but more often below my belt buckle. That is, though, a subject for another day. Today I am going to stick to the things I really know, the things I learned in those bastions of intellectual endeavor, the locker room and the ivy wallpapered walls of The Country Gentlemen Bar and Grill where few gentlemen were to be found. It was in those hallowed places that I learned the important lessons of life which are something about not dropping the soap in the shower, a snapped wet towel can really hurt and never order banana daquiris when the guys flanking you are drinking shots and beer. Oh, and you had to be really tough if your favorite drink was a Pink Lady. There on the bench and there on the stool, I learned from my peers everything I needed to know about life that apparently some other guy learned in kindergarten. Lessons like never let your gaze go lower than the eyes of the guy under the shower next to you, and, always buy your share of rounds if the other guys aren't drinking the good stuff. These are the kind of life sustaning axioms I carry with me to this day. Learned lessons that see me through the tough stuff I've mentioned above and lessons that leave me wondering...what the heck kind of kindergaten did that other guy go to anyway?